


I love you, will destroy them

by TeaHouseMoon



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017), Call Me By Your Name - All Media Types, Call Me by Your Name - André Aciman
Genre: Angst, But they’re in love, Canon Compliant, Forehead Kisses, I know, M/M, Sad, so much love, their last night together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2019-02-11 03:35:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12926478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeaHouseMoon/pseuds/TeaHouseMoon
Summary: I imagined what could have been Oliver’s thoughts during their last night together, in bed with Elio at the hotel.





	I love you, will destroy them

There’s tears on his neck. An innocent face pressed against him, he can’t see it, it’s dark in the room and he’s hiding. But the eyes are red, and he’s crying.

Oliver can’t make it stop. What is he supposed to say? _Don’t cry._ That’s not going to work and he knows it. That’s not going to work.

He runs a hand, his large hand, down Elio’s naked back. The sheets are pooled by his thighs. Oliver runs his hand back up, so slow.

And Elio cries.

Quietly, silent sobs against his neck, like he’s resigned, but also he isn’t. He’s too young, he’s never done this before - he didn’t know what heartache is. Not like Oliver.  
What is he saying? Oliver didn’t know, either. Not like this.

Would Sammy and Annella be angry at him, for making Elio cry?  
It was always going to happen. They knew it. Perhaps they’ve all played a cruel game. All three of them, and now Elio is paying for it. Perhaps.

The truth, is that Oliver has nothing to say.

He has to go back.

What can he do? He has to let Elio go. He loves him - _god he loves him_ \- but how much, Elio shouldn’t know. He’s too young and it isn’t fair, to keep him weighed down, to keep him chained to Oliver who is nothing but a memory, nothing but dust. Nothing but someone going back to a life already written.

He hasn’t told Elio, and he won’t tell him. Why hurt him more. And if it isn’t fair, that he took what Elio offered, even though he couldn’t keep it - then it isn’t fair. He hopes Elio will forgive him one day.

He hears Elio breathe. He’s no longer crying, but his face is still hidden into Oliver. He kisses his hair. It’s curly and sweaty, and Oliver wants to run his fingers through it until the end of time.

He wants to ask him to look up, and look at him. Oliver wants to look into his beautiful eyes, that bratty, ever-changing green that goes so well with this complicated, clever, gorgeous boy, but he’s afraid to - because then he’ll crumble.

So he kisses his hair again, then his forehead, then his temple. He pulls the boy into him a bit more, and Elio sniffs against his shoulder.

What can he say?

 _Let’s have a drink_ \- he’s gotten Elio drunk already, drunk and sick and hanging on him like a lovesick puppy.

 _I’ll come back._ Yes, maybe he will come back. It’s not a lie.  
But what then? Elio will be a different person, then. Elio is too young.

 _I love you._  
No.  
No. That would destroy them.

Oliver kisses Elio’s forehead again, and Elio finally lifts his head up, but his eyes are closed. He nuzzles into Oliver’s face, with his face, with his nose and lips.  
Oliver kisses his mouth, pulls Elio’s body under him to wrap him into his arms properly. Elio’s naked body feels like a treasure, under his, soft and hard and warm and real.

Elio’s cheeks are still wet with tears. Oliver wants to dry them, with his thumb over each cheekbone, to make everything okay again, but he also thinks it needs to stay that way. It’s a reminder of what happened; Elio’s tears on his cheeks and on Oliver’s. But also, a reminder not to cry, not anymore.

“You-,” Elio says. His face hidden against Oliver’s chest now. “-made me happy.”

See? This is why anything they say will hurt them.

Oliver feels his heart skip a beat. He kisses Elio’s temple again, smiles against it. Kind of sadly.  
Elio’s eyes, still red rimmed, are closed now, dark eyelashes fanned on his cheeks. Oliver brushes his curls back from his forehead.

His wish - and he’s the young one now; his wish is that they wake up, and won’t have to separate, that somehow it’s a different world, where they can just carry on with the life they’ve had until now.

Together.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I dunno what happened. I had a weird day and this came to my mind. 
> 
> Please leave me a comment if you liked it - I could really do with something good right now. X


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